I've always considered myself to be fat, though looking back at childhood picks maybe my inner critic was a bit harsh (jury is still out on this one). What trips me out was I was an active kid; always outside on a bike, on roller skates, in a pool, or jumping double dutch. Most days I downed my cereal and was out the door until dinner time, then out again until the street lights came on. My mom was a diabetic so junk food/fast food did not make a regular appearance at my house. Snacks consisted of fruit, milk, and your gonna ruin your appetite so wait for dinner.
My high school and college years were spent working full time, school full time, jumping on and off public transit and running behind a very active toddler. I viewed food as a luxury that I found difficult to find time or money for so I stuck to the bare essentials. Eating out or junk food were also not an option. My weight during this time was still much higher then average. During grad school I started to work out. My friend would sneak me into her school's gym and I would bust my ass 5 days a week for about 2 hours. I saw results, dropping at a nice 162 down from 208. At 5'5" this is still fat according to the pantie hose chart and not ideal to the medical folk either, but I was feeling good.
Since I've finshied grad school (10 years ago) I have gained 113 pounds; far beyond the 208 I thought was so disgusting. This brings me shame and guilt daily. Some days are extra grim when I wake feeling like I'm still the girl who was 162 and look in the mirrior to find that I am not.
My goal right now is not yet a number or goal weight. It is to gain my self respect back.
Good luck on your journey. As you know I am doing the same thing. It's a little harder when your significant other is 97lbs and does not understand that you don't want McDonald's. I've lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks. I am ready this time. I'm tired of being overweight. I'm too sexy for that. :) Anyway, good luck to the both of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anisa. I'm glad that J and I can support each other on this journey, but it can also be frustrating because we tend to enable each others bad habits. For example I know she likes pizza, so of course I'm going to figure out a way to get pizza in the house whenever I can. Having a partner that is thin can be motivating and discouraging at the same time. I hope she learns to understand your struggle and not indulge bad eating habits for your sake.
ReplyDeleteWe gotta bring Sexy Back ;-)