Ch-ch-ch-changes

My wife and I had a heart to heart recently. It was one of those conversations where someone puts the metaphorical mirror in front of you and says look at...no really look at it. I have way more issues that go beyond my food addiction or maybe these issues are the reason I have a food addiction. So I see a shrink now to work on these outside issues and maybe get to what I believe is the core issue (food). It's been two sessions and I don't think I particularly like this guy. 1) He talks too much. I spend most of the session listening to him reminisce about his past and his accomplishments. 2) I don't know how comfortable I feel (this is going to come off sounding totally sexist and ageist) talking to an old black man about my issues. I feel like he won't understand.

I may be picky when it comes to therapists because I had a therapist in college that was sooooooo awesome. I wouldn't have made through my freshman year had it not been for her. Since then I've had one other therapist and she kept mixing me up with another client. That got old after a few meetings. But this guy...I can already tell it's not gonna work. I feel like to truly get to the bottom of my issues and figure the whys and whats I need a therapist that gets me.

I think another reason I don't like this guy is because he thinks psychiatrists are glorified pill-pushers. As someone who knows people that have serious mental health disorders, these pill-pushers are the only people keeping them from hurting themselves or others. I should have walked out when he said that to me, but I avoid confrontation (it's one of the issues I'm working on (not that he would know that because he hasn't asked about my issues)).

I always wonder what it is in peoples' minds or hearts that just makes them change (for the better of course). I've seen and heard the stories (insert life altering experience: it happened when I went to Kohl's and I realized they no longer carried my size or it happened when I went to a restaurant and realized I couldn't fit in the booth.). I've heard the stories, but I still don't understand how their brain made them do a 180. If I can't fit in a particular stores clothes I find a store that does sell my size. At the restaurants I ask for a table instead of a booth. This is how I handle these situations, whereas other people use them as catalyst to make the necessary changes in their lives to be healthier and live longer. Obviously I don't want my story to be a heart attack or finding out I have diabetes, but I wish I knew how these people developed and maintained determination and motivation to stick with their goals.

I hate being all talk.